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24th Apr 2020

John in Lockdown (Inst 10)

Meet Gregory II - John's new dog!

by Burns Team Writer

Coronavirus Lockdown 23rd April 2020

I haven’t written anything for almost a week and there is a reason for this.  I have taken on stewardship of a collie.

He may look familiar to some of you visitors to this parish.  He is the brother of Gregory who used to have his very own blog here.

Here is gregory…(the first)

The new arrival is called Gregory the Second, abbreviated to Gregory. I’m not too imaginative on the naming front but as with royalty lines so it is with some dogs.

In a dynasty, or in this case a Colliegiate (gedddit) the same names keep coming through.  As the steward here, my job title is Collie-eedjit.  Gregory II like his brother is a true delinquent and as they say in Wales, he is a challenge.  More of that to come; watch this space.

Just found a new word – it’s Scottish but I’m not familiar with it. A collieshangie pronounced collie-shangie.  It means an uproar which is an appropriate description for my house since Gregory arrived.

I recall seeing a photograph of me the last time I cut my own hair.  I had a great big vee right in the centre of my forehead.  I was seven.  If this lockdown goes on much longer I’m going to have to think about giving myself another haircut.  I’m getting to look more and more like the mad professor.

Boris Johnson is still resting and hors de combat after contracting coronavirus.  I think this suits him very well.  He is notorious for being lazy and unable to handle detail or difficult decisions.  The COBRA committees “discuss and coordinate government bodies in response to national crisis”. (Wikipedia).

We’ve just heard that there were five COBRA meetings in January and February to discuss the impending coronavirus pandemic and Boris missed them all! The Sunday Times reported a government source who said, “Boris doesn’t do weekends or crisis management.”

Vulnerable people such as the elderly and those with underlying health issues are, as we all are aware, susceptible to coronavirus. This echoes the risks attached to feeding raw food to pets.  As with some asymptomatic carriers of coronavirus, the pet itself may not be affected but the bacteria they disseminate pose a risk to those in contact, not just of infection, but of spreading bacterial antibiotic resistance.  Resistance to antibiotics could make coronavirus look like a minor ailment in comparison.

Poetry Corner

In this time of superheroes I offer you this gem from one of the Liverpool Poets of the 1960s:

Goodbat Nightman

By Roger McGough

“God bless all policemen
and fighters of crime,
May thieves go to jail
for a very long time.

They’ve had a hard day
helping clean up the town,
Now they hang from the mantelpiece
both upside down.

A glass of warm blood
and then straight up the stairs,
Batman and Robin
are saying their prayers.

* * *

They’ve locked all the doors
and they’ve put out the bat,
Put on their batjamas
(They like doing that)

They’ve filled their batwater-bottles
made their batbeds,
With two springy battresses
for sleepy batheads.

They’re closing red eyes
and they’re counting black sheep,
Batman and Robin
are falling asleep.”

Stay safe,