Cat World Domination Day is a hallowed occasion that falls once a year on 24th June. For many people, this day is permeated with an influx of cat related social media posts and fun memes. For cat owners, however, it’s a battle of wits and whiskers, and the one day of the year when cats are most likely to make a grab for power. Cat World Domination Day survivor and self-confessed crazy cat lady, Laura, tells us how to survive the Kitty Cat uprising.
I’m sure my fellow crazy cat people, or cat enthusiasts, will appreciate this day. Cats have become a massive part of so many people’s lives and I think it’s safe to say the cats might be overtaking the dogs in both popularity and level of cool (controversial I know), but from Grumpy cat to Maru they are dominating.
Cats have begun to appear more frequently in our neighbourhoods and social media feeds. It’s as though they’ve slowly begun to drip feed us images and videos of their bushy tails, whiskers and crazy cat talks, so we’ll be more accepting of them when they finally take over. I’ve experienced this power grab myself, every year on Cat World Domination Day, the one day of the year they’re most likely to strike. There are several signs I’ve observed over the years that cats are planning to take over, here’s what you need to look out for:
1. Watching you
As cat owners, we all think it’s cute when our cats watch us. We think they’re looking at us with love and adoration, but this is WRONG. They are watching for weaknesses, looking for patterns and trying to work out how to take us down.
2. Playing with toys
Owning a cat is adorable, right? No, when they roll around on the floor and play with their toys, that’s just because they’re training and mastering their kung fu skills to use on us when we least expect it.
3. Lying on the stairs
When a cat lies around on the stairs, they’re not just relaxing in a sunny spot, they’re trying to work out whether or not they can trip you over and take control of the household.
4. Observing you from high places
Owning a cat is like playing a game of chess, but one where every few moves a furry paw swipes the pieces on to the floor in an open act of aggression. When they observe you from a high place, they are making sure you understand the hierarchy system.
5. Watching you on your PC or laptop
If your cat is watching you on your computer, you might think they’re just interested in you, but they’re not. They’re interested in your computer. Cats are learning how to research topics like ‘How to Take Over the World,’ and ‘How to Order Chicken with My Owner’s Credit Card.’
6. Sneaking up on you
I know the feeling. You think you’re alone and when you turn around you have a cat staring up at you. It can be scary. If your cat is doing this, it means they’ve already begun to test the boundaries of their dominance.
7. Staring into space
If you catch your cat staring into space, it’s not because they’re thinking of treats and breakable things they can push off shelves; they’re actually plotting and imaging their plans coming to fruition.
8. Watching the TV
Unlike a lot of dogs, cats will happily sit and stare at a screen for hours. They’re not Netflix and Chillin’ out with you, but like the Netflix algorithm itself, they’re slowly gathering intel on your likes, dislikes, and deep dark fears.
9. Lying on your laptop
If your cat likes to lay on your laptop, newspaper or phone, this is because they’re trying to limit communication to the outside world.
10. Knocking objects off shelves
Lastly, when a cat knocks a bunch of objects off your shelves, it’s not because they’re bored, it’s because they’re seeing how far they can push you.
If you notice any of the signs above, watch out, it could mean that your cat is plotting against you. Luckily, there a few things you can do to try to reach negotiations with your furry dictator. The number one thing to remember is this: cats are basically Gods, and the only thing that works with a God, is an offering or a sacrifice. If you don’t want to be their next sacrifice, you’d better be ready to make them an offering.
1. Give them daily offerings
Including chicken, fish or other tasty cat nom noms. Make sure you offer these up in a gold plated bowl, this will please the cat God. They love shiny things.
2. Provide healthy, yummy food
For breakfast, dinner and tea. A full belly will encourage sleep, meaning their master plan will be halted for a few more hours at least. See our healthy, yummy and nutritious Burns selection for cat food inspo.
3. Become a world class gardener
Grow cat nip and cat mint and this will excite and distract the cat God in your life and confuse their brain into thinking world domination is too much like hard work.
4. Win the lottery
To supply your cat with every blanket, bed and pillow made by man, you need a lottery win. This way you can buy a huge house to fill with all the blankets, toys, beds, and food that your cat has rejected!
5. Supply cardboard boxes and toys.
Build a cardboard cat castle. This will show your devotion to your cat and provide hours of fun, making them realise life at home with their own personal slave isn’t so bad after all!
Lastly, remember that the 24th June is a pivotal day for us all, and we must always be on high alert. I’ll be spending the day showering my cats with gifts and treats to try to win their affection and convince them I’m not worth killing off.
Good luck cat slaves!
If you, or anyone you know has been affected by Cat World Domination Day, simply contact the free Burns nutrition helpline for advice on how you can appease your cat overlord with healthy and nutritious Burns food.