Published: Thursday, May 5, 2016
Hello everybody! I’d like to introduce myself.
I'm Gregory and I’m a Border Collie.
Oh, I see – it’s Gregory Burns, after The Boss/ El Kapitan/ the High Heid Yin. I was called Bob but The Boss changed my name by Deed Poll; he wanted something “more distinguished”. Who is he kidding? I quite fancied “Constantine”. Anyway, Gregory is better than being called John, nothing fancy about that.
I was born in the Brecon Beacons on The Boss's daughter’s farm last year. All my brothers and sisters went off to new homes but nobody wanted me so The Boss took me on. I think he’s regretting it already. I overhead him telling someone I might be an Assistance Dog. Fat chance! I’ll act thick and they won’t have me.
I’m quite small for my age. I listen in when El Kapitan is talking to other people in the street. One neighbour guessed I was about 9 weeks and another thought 10 weeks! I’ll have you know I’m not a child! I’m 10 months old. I’m just very petite. It’s not just my name that’s distinguished. I look quite fetching, even if I say it myself. I’ve got one blue eye and one brown so although I’m small I’ll stand out in a crowd. I’m half Blue Merle and half red Border Collie so some people think there’s a bit of the fox about me.
I have to write this when The Boss is not around. He thinks I’m writing about him but I’m not. He does enough talking for himself – this is about me!
When The Boss collected me in his car from the farm, I was sick three times all over the brand new cotton bed. He had to wash it in the bath. That kept him busy. I really hate that car! I get sick and salivate everywhere. I won’t even go out the front door because the car is there. El Kapitan lets me go out the back door and round the side of the house so I don’t even have to go past the car. He’s given up trying to get me in it so that’s fine. Except that I’m stuck in Ferryside. I can’t go to the office or the farm shop. I did overhear The Boss say he might try taking me to Kidwelly on the train and we could walk to the farm shop. That would be brill. Someone suggested going on the bus but The Boss is worried he might get sick on the bus.
Before I came to live with The Boss, I’d never been in a house so I’m not “house-trained” - whatever that means. I sleep in a crate and The Boss takes me outside to pee on the grass and he gives me a sweetie. When we go for a walk I have a poo and he picks it up. I don’t have to pick up his poo so that shows who’s really the master race.
I better sign off now; I hear The High Heid Yin coming and I don’t want him to catch me. He doesn’t like to be upstaged. Bye for now, everybody, bye bye.
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